I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
