rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
