you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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