you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
