like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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