I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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