They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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