Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
