i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
