so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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