Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
