It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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