but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
