Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
