you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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