I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i think im in europe. pls send help
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize