she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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