oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
