What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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