I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
