Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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