Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
