the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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