It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize