so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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