47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
