I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
