I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
