i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
