dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
