i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
