eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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