Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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