so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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