remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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