I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
