Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
