Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
