somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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