She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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