Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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