this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
