She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have feelings that need drinking.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
