Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
