we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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