if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
