I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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