i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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