if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
