So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
