I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you never un-have a 4some
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
