oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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