everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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