Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
