the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize