So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
