I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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