My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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