Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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