i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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