there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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