I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
