Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
