it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
