she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
