If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
