i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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