I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
