he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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